When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

" There is no mystery to happiness. Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love put out by scorn - or worse, indifference - cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day without a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He doesn't look ahead. He lives in the present."
- Jed Rubenfield, The Interpretation Of Murder

I just finished this book and damn it's sucha fascinating and intriguing read. Time to head down to the library and get my hands on more reads.

Let's go, Portugal and Holland! I hope one of 'em wins Euro 2008. But I don't want to see C.Ronaldo move to Real, not yet anyway. And haven't seen Gerrard in action for so long! ):

Friendships and relationships are so fragile. Remember that friend in primary school who used to sit beside you in class everyday? Or that friend whom you used to go to the canteen to buy Yakult with every recess? What about those people you got to know in the level camps back in secondary school? Still in contact? Nah, I don't think they even qualify as friends. Mere acquaintances maybe. Some may even have forgotten who you are completely. Everyone we knew back then was 'my friend'. But as we grow up, how many of these 'friends' do we actually still keep in touch with, still bother to catch up with and find out what they're doing in their lives right now? I hate to think that those good friends we used to have back when we were young and carefree have become strangers now. I certainly hope the friends around now will remain those that I can still fall back on, look to for advice and comfort, count on whenever needed a few years down the road. Or perhaps university lives will change people, I don't know. Just... thinking.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

And so..

They have the most IMBA desserts EVER

.. HK was a timely getaway. Not the best, but definitely needed.

But now, it's back to reality:

• YFC Project
• Sex and The City
• praying, hoping and waiting
• looking forward (to the new BPL 08/09 season, that is)
• 98.7
• bedok reservoir
• chocolate pocky and peanut butter
• Prison Break 3 + wentworth miller
• bed

... zzz fucking idiot computer!!

You cut me open and I..

Life's been a mess lately. Every day just passes by without me feeling I've done anything worth noting. I really don't know how and what to feel anymore.

Bad news:
> Super good friend's going overseas for quite awhile. I haven't seen her in a million years and suddenly she's flying off ))): Omg the song that reminds me of her just came on 98.7fm. Man I'll miss her ):
> Won't get to see brother who's gonna be away at camp for 5 days. I haven't properly talked to him in ages ):
> So many things to settle, so little time. Sorry to ppl/projects/assignments I've been neglecting- I know I haven't been the best team member, but I'm trying, really.
> Future's so unsettled, I'm screwed.
> I don't know how to answer him.
> I'm broke. C'mon it's the GSS after all. LOL.
> Weekends just feel empty without the usual soccer action on tv.

Good news:
...

There's no good news...

In short? I'm still screwed.

Yesterday at work, there was this little boy, probably only kindergarten/p1-2 age, he was thoroughly excited about getting this new ultraman bag his mum bought for him, happily skipping off with the bag on his shoulders right after it was paid for, with a smile so sincere I wish I could see it on everyone around me. I wish we could go back to those days when even a new bag could make us happy, so carefree and innocent where we had nothing to worry about. Unlike now.

ManUtd did a double over Chelsea in the BPL and Champions League, fucking awesome. Heart goes out to JohnTerry though, the captain whose final penalty kick should've sent his team into a state of ecstasy and won them the title instead of ManUtd. He was totally unconsolable after that.

David Cook's won American Idol instead of David Archuleta. Ima fan of both Davids, so no complains there, cos they're both equally worthy. DavidC's hot while DavidA's cute, but they both have insane vocals, so I don't really give a damn who wins cos I think both are good enough to produce albums already.

It's amazing how ppl in Myanmar and Sichuan are struggling to even get pass each day, and here in Singapore we're all safe and sound, going through the routines of complaining how hot the weather is, how some people can remain so skinny even though they eat alot, how there's always nothing to wear even though the wardrobe's already about on the verge of bursting so let's go shopping etcetc. I'm ashamed to be one of these typical Singaporeans.

I put on this facade everyday, everyone at work thinks I'm a happy, cheerful girl who likes to laugh and go 'yo yo' to everyone I see, when actually I'm not. It's hard to try and feel happy everyday when deep down yre actually struggling to come to terms with so many things and trying to understand the meaning of life-what am I living for? what am I gna do about my future? what and how am i actually contributing to society?- I still can't answer these qns I constantly ask myself.

Sometimes (okay maybe most of the time) I really like walking home alone from the interchange at night, or just taking long bus rides home alone, with my first generation Ipod plugged in and closing out the sounds of the people around me. I'm not a loner, no. At times I even like squeezing with crowds and soaking in the atmosphere. It's just that I like having time to myself to think about.. stuff. Stuff that I don't feel like speaking out about. I think I'm weird in that way. I like bottling up things to myself, so much that I don't really know how to pour it all out to even the closest friends. Not that I don't trust them or anything of course, it's just.. I rather keep them to myself. That's why most of the time I only talk about the happier things/events that happened/are going to happen, when deep down I'm actually feeling terribly down and out. I think it's a way to escape from reality, talk about the happier things to forget about those that are not. Like how keeping yourself busy, trying to squeeze as many activities as you possibly can into a mere 24hrs a day is a form of escapism.

So to friends out there like Z and C, it's not that don't wna see/talk to you guys, it's just that right now I'm not in the mood too. I hate it when I have to carry on conversations when actually I really have nothing else to say, but I have to just because I don't want to appear aloof or anything.

I just want to plop myself at Starbucks everyday reading my books (I'm trying to finish up The Time Traveller's Wife now) and not give a heck about anything else that's bugging me. Tampines Starbucks is still the best.

Sorry for the long, incoherent, rambly entry. It's hard to sound coherent when you haven't been blogging for more than a month. And when yre struggling to come to sound decisions at the crossroads of life.

Have I mentioned?

Life's pretty much screwed now.

Okay scrape that. Life is absolutely, terribly, extremely SCREWED UP now.

It's hard to try and keep up the optimism with each passing day.

I think no amount of chocolate pocky or peanut butter or icecream can cheer me up. Not at this moment.

Sorry, just let me be emo solo for now.

BIG FAT SIGH. ): ): ): ): ):

I have random rants.

1. I can't decide if it's good or bad to be temporarily unemployed.

2. I can't stand superficial guys. Can't believe what he said. Omfg.

3. It sucks to see people around me getting called up for interviews for universities and scholarships and whatnots, while people with shit results like mine can only pray and wait. Of course, I'm happy for my friends, but it just sucks to be waiting and waiting, not knowing what's in store for you.

4. Stupid Middlesbrough always save their best performance when it matters most eh. Just when I thought Man U's title hopes were given another boost with Arsenal drawing Liverpool, Chelsea went on to brush aside Man City, and Boro had to draw Man U. Hmmph. And with Vidic out for 3 weeks and Ferdinand a doubt, I'm starting to worry abt that 2nd leg with Roma damn it.

5. Why is it that I jogged a total of at least 12km last week, but I'm still not losing weight? Ah right, must be the overload of chocolate pocky, bnj's, peanut butter, gelare half priced waffles, Botak Jones.. Shit I'm feeling hungry at 2.30 am in the morning.

6. Finally, someone agrees with me that Joe Cheng's handsome. HAHAHA.

7. Oh, I think Ozzy on Survivor's hot too. So is Eric Bana, Batista, Cristiano Ronaldo, Adam Levine... Okay the list's too long hahaha.

8. Whenever we MJ with chips, luck's on my side and I can't stop hu-ing. But MJ with real money, and I keep losing zzz.

9. ):

10. I need a getaway. ASAP.

Okay, enough of random rants. Time to get back to the life of an unemployed bummer. HAHAHA.

Oh yes! Before I forget,

I sort of miss those school days ):

Whoopeedoo! It's been almost a month since the last post, I almost forgot my password while trying to sign in just now, lol.

Anyway, quite alot of things happened, but I'm a lazy person, so.. it got procrastinated.

1. Okay, obviously, A level results. I keep procrastinating the university applications, partly because I still have no idea what course interests me, but more imptly because I think no university wants students with shit results like mine. I can't stand ppl who say they have shit results when actually they get a few As and Bs and go oh no which course should I choose my results suck! Seriously, just shut up and get lost. But aunty cheryl keeps hurrying me to rmbr to apply lest I forget and the deadline comes and goes, so I shall think abt it a little more and apply asap.

2. Oh, luckily I stayed up till 6am the other night, or morning I should say, to catch the midweek matches, cos Man Utd are top of the table right now after they beat Bolton (: Ronaldo's bloody brilliant with his free kicks. And now Man Utd are on top, 5 pts ahead of 2nd placed Chelsea who just beat Arsenal, after they beat Liverpool 3-0. Not that Liverpool deserves to lose by such a big margin, but Man Utd played really well, so (:. Talking abt BPL, I can't believe from next season onwards Starhub users can't watch Champions League matches anymore, cos Singtel's won the bid to broadcast them, so we have to subscribe to MIO tv! what nonsense la, I think we should all just boycott it and go and watch the matches at some coffeeshop with all the bengs and uncles, atmosphere inclusive.

3. Work has been alright, but some of them are quitting come end March, I wonder if I should too. I really enjoy working at the airport cos of all these different ppl you get to meet, the polite English ppl and cute Italians haha and friendly Aussies, and Japs and Koreans too. Singaporeans of course, always add a sense of familiarity cos I don't worry abt pronouncing my '-th's clearly I just use 'la's and 'lor's knowing they'll understand. One of them was actually flying to Manchester to catch the ManU-Bolton game live, much to my jealousy, haha. Notice I don't mention one type of ppl I enjoy meeting, sometimes they really piss me off when they shout (more like HOLLER actually) across the shop to their friends for passports and whatnots, talk so loudly as if I'm deaf when I'm standing right in front of them, and quarrel with me over some stupid things. But other than them, work's been tolerable also because of all the familiar faces like the delivery boys and the brand promoters who're quite funny and SOME of the aunties, too.

4. By the way, here are two very, individually, thrifty (i.e kiam siap HAHAHA) ppl-

But when you put them together, you get this-

- a whole lot of eating out, spending more money on food than anything else. Hahaha. That's why we're best of friends, right?

5. I love eating nuts so much, my dad says I'm nuts. I can have some peanut breakfast bar before going for work, come home from work and have peanut butter bread, followed by sugar peanuts, and not get sick of them, lol. I even love peanut butter flavoured ice cream (if they don't have chocolate mint or smth, that is). But no I'm absolutely sane okay.

And chocolate pocky & peanut butter everything always save the day (: